31 Years Ago Today - My Mom

Thirty one years ago today, my entire life turned on a dime.

My Mom, my best friend, was there one minute and gone the next. I woke up to the phone ringing at 6:00 am, and hearing my friend Kim’s mom say into the phone “Oh God NO”. But before I heard those words, before the end of the first ring of the telephone I already knew.

Some people believe in premonition, intuition, the sixth sense…others don’t. I do.

Through the advances in technology, I have been able to reconnect with many of Mom’s friends who I have not seen since the day of her memorial service. I am grateful for this, and thankful to hear all the memories these people have of my mom.

My reactions have changed over the years, and along the way I have obtained a “handle” on the loss. What I have not done is forget. I am not crippled by the loss, as I was for so many years immediately following her death. I have a healthy perspective on the whole thing, life goes on, and you must move on with it or be trapped in an ugly reality that never ends.

Dad and I periodically have a discussion that goes somewhat like this “If you could trade your hand in for a completely new one(without knowing what’s in the new hand), or keep the hand you’ve got, what would you do?” I would “keep the hand I’ve got”, but if I could just trade one card, I would have Mom back.

As my Uncle Ray so perfectly put it, “I’m still pissed about that one”. I have to agree with him, it was a loss that could have been prevented. There were idiots at the helm, and the ship sank, period.

But, you cannot change the past, and we will never know the breadth of God’s master plan and my Mom’s part in it.

So, today as I reflect and remember a woman who gave me so much and crammed more things into my life in 14 years than most kids get in a lifetime from a parent, I thank God that I had her at all.

Thank you to all my friends who love me, support me, and know when to swoop in, and pull me out of a free fall into the abyss. The gift of so many friends is a blessing. I love you all very much, you are the furniture in my soul, and the art hangin on the walls of my heart.